Mighty
I checked out a list of blog writing prompts to give myself a running start for tonight's post. This is pretty cool list, and it's a well I envision myself coming back to a couple of times. Without further adieu, I present you with a letter to my 15 year old self. Just a little more adieu, actually: if time travel becomes a thing and 15 year old me ever sees this letter, then I've probably created an awful paradox and destroyed this timeline. Sorry, peeps.
Dear Ed,
Hey man. 38 year old Ed here. First, the good news. You still have all your hair, the Yankees will win three of the next four World Series, and you have a ton of awesome stuff to look forward to. You haven't even met some of your very best friends yet! Now the bad news: The Eagles have won the Super Bowl, the Red Sox have won TWO World Series (it was even worse that you can imagine), smart phones are only a few years away from totally ruining interpersonal relationships, and those nervous tics the doctor told you about when you were a little kid aren't going anywhere. You have a condition called Tourette Syndrome. Keep in mind that I am (we are?) 38 now, and I still can't decide if I should call it a condition or an illness or a disease or a disorder. Surely the word "neurological" could preface any of those words. By the by, get yourself used to the likelihood that you will waaaaaayyyyyyy overthink things like this. Anyway, yes: Tourette Syndrome. It has shaped and will continue to shape parts of your life until we die, perfectly healthy, at the age of 95. I'm honestly not sure how and where to begin to talk to you about this. It's 1995, so for the most part it's still considered okay to bully and mock kids at school for being different. Things have changed a lot for the better here in 2018, though we still have a ways to go. I think in high school you're stuck between not knowing yourself, wanting to be yourself, and wanting to be accepted. In a few years, you're going to see a movie called "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo". You will laugh, and very very many years later you'll feel really bad about it. One, because gosh, it's just not that funny. Two, it gleefully mocks people with a number of conditions, including TS. Worst, this will be the definition of Tourette Syndrome that sticks in your head well into adulthood. This, along with an episode of a TV show called "South Park", will be part of what keeps you from looking into a diagnosis of Tourette for yourself. Both of them will show you completely unrealistic portrayals of what Tourette is like, and for some reason you'll actually believe it? I dunno, I guess we're just really impressionable. Watch if you want, don't if you don't. Just remember that the reality of our Tourette case is a whole lot different than what you, and millions of other people, will think because of how it's portrayed in the media. Don't let yourself be poisoned by other people getting a kick out of what you know to be a challenging condition to live with.
Don't let yourself be shy, at least not because of the Tourette's. I mean if we were going to be shy anyway, then yeah; keep to yourself. But if there's ever a person you want to talk to but your tics make you afraid to, just talk to them. It turns out that we notice our own tics a lot more than everyone else.
You have a little of what we here in the 21st century refer to as "extra". You've got all that high school nonsense in your head plus the burden of an undiagnosed neurological condition that wants to take your time, your focus, your self-esteem, your self-control, and sometimes a little of your pride. I need us to understand that none of this is your fault. It is not a judgment on your character or your worth. You're not struggling in class because you're stupid. You just have some extra. You've had it ever since you were a little kid, and while it sucks, remember this: most people would fold like cheap plastic tables if they dealt with for a day what you're dealing with every day of your life. You are mighty.
Love,
Ed
Dear Ed,
Hey man. 38 year old Ed here. First, the good news. You still have all your hair, the Yankees will win three of the next four World Series, and you have a ton of awesome stuff to look forward to. You haven't even met some of your very best friends yet! Now the bad news: The Eagles have won the Super Bowl, the Red Sox have won TWO World Series (it was even worse that you can imagine), smart phones are only a few years away from totally ruining interpersonal relationships, and those nervous tics the doctor told you about when you were a little kid aren't going anywhere. You have a condition called Tourette Syndrome. Keep in mind that I am (we are?) 38 now, and I still can't decide if I should call it a condition or an illness or a disease or a disorder. Surely the word "neurological" could preface any of those words. By the by, get yourself used to the likelihood that you will waaaaaayyyyyyy overthink things like this. Anyway, yes: Tourette Syndrome. It has shaped and will continue to shape parts of your life until we die, perfectly healthy, at the age of 95. I'm honestly not sure how and where to begin to talk to you about this. It's 1995, so for the most part it's still considered okay to bully and mock kids at school for being different. Things have changed a lot for the better here in 2018, though we still have a ways to go. I think in high school you're stuck between not knowing yourself, wanting to be yourself, and wanting to be accepted. In a few years, you're going to see a movie called "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo". You will laugh, and very very many years later you'll feel really bad about it. One, because gosh, it's just not that funny. Two, it gleefully mocks people with a number of conditions, including TS. Worst, this will be the definition of Tourette Syndrome that sticks in your head well into adulthood. This, along with an episode of a TV show called "South Park", will be part of what keeps you from looking into a diagnosis of Tourette for yourself. Both of them will show you completely unrealistic portrayals of what Tourette is like, and for some reason you'll actually believe it? I dunno, I guess we're just really impressionable. Watch if you want, don't if you don't. Just remember that the reality of our Tourette case is a whole lot different than what you, and millions of other people, will think because of how it's portrayed in the media. Don't let yourself be poisoned by other people getting a kick out of what you know to be a challenging condition to live with.
Don't let yourself be shy, at least not because of the Tourette's. I mean if we were going to be shy anyway, then yeah; keep to yourself. But if there's ever a person you want to talk to but your tics make you afraid to, just talk to them. It turns out that we notice our own tics a lot more than everyone else.
You have a little of what we here in the 21st century refer to as "extra". You've got all that high school nonsense in your head plus the burden of an undiagnosed neurological condition that wants to take your time, your focus, your self-esteem, your self-control, and sometimes a little of your pride. I need us to understand that none of this is your fault. It is not a judgment on your character or your worth. You're not struggling in class because you're stupid. You just have some extra. You've had it ever since you were a little kid, and while it sucks, remember this: most people would fold like cheap plastic tables if they dealt with for a day what you're dealing with every day of your life. You are mighty.
Love,
Ed
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